


Let’s Start Over...

by LostInQueue



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Camping, Established Relationship, F/M, Feels, Fluff, HEA, Memories, Modern Setting, Pacific Crest Trail, Slow Burn, about a 5 month hike, and a little ocd, ben kind of thinks it’s cute, junior is their son, lots of mistakes, married with kids, mostly happiness, nothings perfect, only one sleeping bag, reys a little over prepared, skylar is their daughter, started as strangers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24526975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInQueue/pseuds/LostInQueue
Summary: A fic in which Ben and Rey’s children Junior and Skylar do their best to get their parents to remember the good ol days with one in particular. The day they met on that hike somewhere.That somewhere happens to be the Pacific Crest Trail. It’s not just a walk in the woods.(Rey wants to do it right so she makes Ben walk all the way to the starting point and turn around to go back so that it counts. Ben is not amused and figures he’ll peel off when she isn't looking but finds he likes it when she's looking…)
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 24
Kudos: 15
Collections: A Picture is worth 1000 Words - PL Summer Exchange





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reyloanne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reyloanne/gifts).



Days, it’s been days of snooping around mom and dad’s room with her attention focused not only on her project but also her lookout partner, who had gotten tired of playing his valuable role of _lookout_ , within the room too. He’s clumsy and loud and…

“Put that down,” she whispered hissed at him. 

Junior only smiled, the ass.

His grin showed the same dimples their father had when he would. Smile that is. It’s been a while since… well, Dad would travel like his father before him, even though he said he never wanted to. Each place he’d been to, every new deal, he seemed to lose that at peace assuring smile and Skylar wanted to know they had a hold over him. She wanted to be sure they wouldn’t lose the very fiber that held their family together, and her idiot brother was ruining her opportunity to, ten fold. 

“What?” Junior questioned like it clearly wasn’t him who dropped the trinket or dragged said item with a sharp, metallic swoosh sound over top of the dresser just a moment ago. “They’re down stairs. Stop being such a worry wart.”

Skylar could only narrow her eyes, waiting for details, and her brother compiled without another word. 

“Mom’s outside and Dad’s asleep omg the couch. It’s about an hour before dinner and if I know Mom, she’s going to sit outside for that entire hour until Dad wakes up looking for food.”

Skylar could only nod. He was right. She liked that space in the sun between the two pine trees. The sun always set right between them too, right in the middle, as if they were people sharing it together. The thought of it made her mind wander as did her eyes throughout their parents room. The way she moved was as if she was being guided to something that promised changing their current state… the one she’d always dreamed of, the ones she could remember back when her and her brother were younger, well before Dad ever started traveling to begin with. 

Junior moved around her faster as if he knew what she was seeing, knocking her to the side while he reached his father’s closet.

“Do you have to—“

“You’re acting possessed,” Junior grumbled.

“Stop tossing things! I don’t have time to clean this up after you—possessed? Did you just call me possessed?”

“You’re acting weird and there’s no reason for it.” 

Skylar huffed, lunging forward towards him.

“Don’t try it. I’m stronger than you and Dad’ll know if we dropped it.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Skylar knew they were running out of time and nodded to herself that she’d get him back later. “What do you think yer gonna find in there, Ben?”

Ben simply tugged his sister in closer and closed the door, then reached for the cord to the single bulb mounted on the ceiling, another one of Dad’s many work in progress projects. This one had been going on for years now, just like the rest of them. Skylar watched on curiously while Ben continued to open the shoebox in his hand. 

The two of them knew hiding things in small boxes was something their mother did but not necessarily their father. 

“I saw him put something in here before his last trip,” he added, “or I wouldn’t have known…” he trailed. 

Skylar’s brow furrowed first, then far deeper as she realized the stark differences in her mother’s verses father’s collecting strategies. Mom always dumped them somewhere as if she wouldn’t get to keep it if she didn’t while Dad kept his box organized.

“I can’t use anything in here, Ben. He’ll know!”

“Well, I mean what are you trying to do?”

“You saw it. That book I’ve been making for their anniversary—“

“That was yesterday?”

“It was not!”

“It was according to this,” he said holding up a what looked like a hand written note, dated years ago, that’s still claimed to be yesterday’s date besides the year of course.

“No—I don’t know what that is but it can’t be! I have two weeks, and if it was, don’t you think they would have _done_ something?”

“They did. Dad was working and Mom was trying not to be sad about it,” he said, opening up the map that was just beneath it. 

Junior stared at it a while, a long red stripe followed the trail they took and numbers appeared where they shouldn’t have given the elevation style map he had. The numbers, Junior frowned, meant something. The boy pointed, then shook his finger coming up with the next variable, Dad’s balance booklet that was tucked below everything, small trinkets, garbage, which Junior could hardly place as being important and earbuds-old ones which treaty wasn’t a surprise to find as the man did like his music. A broken zipper and whittled fragments of wood had been on top of it too, but the boy was careful, taking only the booklet after the map and leaving everything else intact. 

The booklet had been a usually printed grid for keeping record of purchases and deposits as they always were, but the kids found it had been used for something else altogether. 

“Notes?”

“And coordinates, Sky…”

The two of them look at each other, neither knowing what to make of what they’re seeing in terms of the numbers aside from that very fact until Skylar pulls out her phone and inserts the findings into a site that gives the exact pin point. Junior crowds her with his findings, constantly trying to learn more about it before his sister can. His fat head never helped, it was always getting in the way whether they were watching movies or she was learning how to drive, his bigness was everywhere, and while she was looking at this tiny map on her phone, Skylar couldn’t deal with him in her space anymore. 

“Can you back up at all?”

“Nah—“

What do you mean, nah?”

“You’re taking you too much time, Dad’s gonna…”

Juniors loud whispering was going to get them caught. Dad has gotten up. It was around that time when he would and all. He’d go through his usual stroll through their small house, looking for things he most likely still had on him. Usually it was his glasses or he happened to need a new shirt because Mom keeps the heat too high… this time it seemed to just be a stroll, a long, eerie, _please just go back to from which you came_ strolls. At first it was because they were in his stuff, then it was because they wouldn’t have an answer to why they were in his stuff, then the snowball grew and grew until Junior snatched up Skylars phone and kicked it further into the closet. 

“What the hell did you do that for?” Her anger came out just loud enough to startle her father on the other side of the door. 

“Run out screaming.”

“What?!” Skylar whisper hissed at him. 

Junior simply pointed up at the ceiling where the uncovered light fixture hung from the ceiling. Just around the curve of it was a black form. The more she figured out the shape, the more she started to quake then run for the door. 

“DADDY!!” She squealed, turned the knob and slammed open the door into the back of her father’s head. The hardwood against his noggin was enough to make him curse and grab the back of his head like he’d been shot. 

“What in the hell is the matter with you? And what are you in my closet?!” their father bellowed, still not entirely awake from his last nap.

“We followed a bird in there, but it’s a bat…” Junior lied, snickered at his sister, then mouthed, “or a toy,” while his father decided whether or not to lunge in there and deal with the intruder. Before he could, Junior brought trinkets to his father’s attention but handed them to Skylar instead. “Don’t worry, I’ll get your phone, sis…”

“And the _toy_?” she asked, punching her brother in the arm as he left. 

“I highly doubt Dad’s box is a toy, Skylar…”

Dad’s box…

Oh my God, Dad’s box was in her hands now! What was she going to say? What was he going to say?? What were they going to…?

How did it even get into her hands? 

The realization that she’d been pinned for their exploration had her stomach in knots. Her brother was dead to her now. Dead! 

And yet their father had barely moved. It was as if he had been shocked into place, staring at those items. 

“That box,” he said calmly. “That belongs to me.”

——

It really was a wonder how Skylar made it out of there and to mom with all the items in hand seeing as she was shaking. She shouldn’t have been, really. Dad, the giant he is, had nothing to do with her nerves. It’s not like they ever got slapped or anything. He was just loud when he was upset, or terribly quiet. Dad’s silence was nothing like Mom’s though. 

That silence would end lives. 

But Dad moved quietly through the house until he found them, Junior in tow with a fist full of something, and so help her, Skylar was going to kill him if he scared her with a sock!

“Careful with that!” Ben shouted, reaching for his items while Skylar dodged the item Junior threw at her. She squealed promising death to her brother that the entire block could hear.

Her threats called their mother away from what she was preparing for dinner. Rey looked up at the three of her people mid-motion and set them upright with a quirk of her eyebrow. 

“Junior,” she only had to say his name to smack his grin off the boy's face. 

“Sorry Mom,” Junior cleared his throat. 

“Skylar?” Rey quietly asked her daughter next.

“Sorry Mom,” she muttered. 

It was Dad’s turn to get called on but she didn’t look his way, instead she chewed on the inside of her cheek, her eyes watered but the two of them knew it wasn’t because of the chopped onions beside her. 

It was the first time the kids really watched this as it was in motion. Most times she was fine but tonight she just wasn’t. Was it the fight? Was it the box? 

Junior watched mom and Skylar watched Dad. They both seemed like they were hurting more with every passing moment. Dad would carefully place the contents of his box back within it and Mom noticed what care he took for them, even if she wasn’t looking. 

Her hands shook enough to need to put her utensils down, then asked, “You still have them?” 

Everyone in the kitchen lifted their eyes from wherever they were looking to Dad, while his eyes were still cast down. She asked him a question and he hadn’t immediately spoken. That was different. Skylar and Junior both knew not to keep her waiting so why was it okay that Dad did? 

It wasn’t okay, however, to speak up while they were… conversing. If that's what you could call this. 

So, why couldn't Junior stop himself from pointing at him? Why couldn't he just stop and wait?

Junior’s finger poked forward in an “it’s your turn to speak” sort of motion and even mouthed, “Dad,” as if the man didn't know it was his turn.

“Ow!” he hissed at his sister who elbowed him in his side. 

“They don't need you getting involved,” she whispered back.

“Technically we’re both involved since you cant stay out of people’s rooms for you dumb project.”

“It’s not dumb…” Skylar pouted. “It’s sincere. Better than anything you would have done!”

“I seriously doubt that,” Junior raised his hand making Skylar dodge it, only to be grabbed around the shoulder in a side hug of sorts, “Just look… I got the box out of the closet and you took the fall. My plan’s working perfectly.”

Skylar snorted in her dissatisfaction of the whole thing but he was right. Their parents were closer together than they had been in years. She watched their Mom cover her mouth when she’d found the book they’d been holding in the closet just moments before, turn and cup their father’s cheek. 

“I think it’s working…” Junior hip checked his sister who pushed him right back. 

“If this does work I’m taking all the credit,” she countered.

“What because of your book? No way! See how happy they are? You could have disrupted everything that made this beautiful by cutting it up into little hearts and pasting them on colored cat paper.” 

“You’re an asshole.”

“Skylar.” 

The girl heard her name called and turned to her parents. “Yes?” she answered shakily.

___

It didn't take much to convince her a scrapbook wouldn't have made the trinkets in her father’s box more meaningful, especially with the way her mother started explaining why she valued what she did. 

“So…” Junior pushed. “What does it all mean?”

“It’s the story of how we met,” his father replied. 

The room felt heavy and light all at once. Were they really going to get to finally hear the story of how their parents met?

That was one they hadn’t really heard much about. In fact, they didn’t have a traditional wedding with lots of people or fancy clothes or flowers, all the things Skylar couldn't completely understand. They had some candid shots of them in their mom’s drawer, because the snoop Skylar was, she definitely found _those_ _and then some._

“Can we hear it?” Skylar let the question slide out of her before she thought any better of it. 

It just had to be sweet, and romantic - despite the fact that they were her parents she was thinking about here. 

After a long pause, her father took his wife’s hand in his and asked her if she wanted to explain that day. 

“Just that one?” she asked warily, a soft smile played at her lips. 

One her kids were sure they’d never seen before. There was a sweetness to it. Like he took away twenty years of pain just then. She looked younger, just slightly at least, and in that moment, somehow, he did too. 

“Well, we can start there and see…” he whispered, his voice was careful, only making her smile wider.

“Alright,” she nodded then repeated him just as softly, “We can start there and see…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey start getting into how they found each other and their kids are learning to hush up and listen.

It was sort of surreal to be sitting together as a family for any other reason than to have dinner, Rey thought as her backside sank comfortably in their sectional sofa. She hadn’t had to say a thing either, Skylar had gone to fetch the hassock to shove it between the u-shaped, jean covered sofa, making it sort of like a huge lounging space. It was equal parts as comforting as it was unnerving. At what point was Ben going to slip back into his recant “man” mode and tell his “woman” that there were still dishes in the sink? The observations of how things weren’t perfect but still stacked on her was a low blow, and since there were so many of them lately, it felt as though she really was dragging most days. It felt like, like she couldn’t enjoy this, even if she wanted to. 

And yet, the cushions were nice, both cool to start then warm and soft like something else she knows… well, knew, and couldn’t help but hate that it was a pst memory. 

The feel of Ben’s leg brushed up against hers and the familiar sound of his voice trying to get her attention pulled her back.

“Well, I was out there already. And so was your mom. I came from New York City, liked mountain biking and exploring the world on my own so when I read up on this trail I figured I’d give it a try. See how far I could go in a week and then mark it off my bucket list,” Ben started.

“You did say that,” Rey smiled. 

“Where were you, Mom? You were already there? Did Dad find you?” Skylar interrupted. 

“Shut up, Sky…” Junior bulged his eyes at his sister who shot him a dirty look. 

“That’s enough,” Rey warned, then crossed her ankles and took a steadying breath. Once all was quiet again, she began. “I was working at a restaurant in the Caribbean when an older woman started complaining about the shape and color of her croutons and wondered if that was all there was to life—people giving other people unnecessary grief… so, I let her go on until she was satisfied with her complaint, then let her know she was on a hidden camera television show, pointed around the room at three locations that meant nothing, and stepped out. It would have been great to know whatever happened to her, but life’s short and I preferred to live it.”

Junior clapped his hands and cheered, “I may have Dad’s name but I’m your apple!”

“You mean asshole,” Skylar snorted. 

“You’re just jealous I get my sense of humor from Mom,” Junior teased.

“Ugh,” Ben groaned, dropping his head back on the couch, waiting for Rey to refocus. 

“Alright, alright,” Rey brought them back to the story. “Like I said, I had it...packed up all my stuff and started my adventure. I made it up the coast of Mexico, crossed the border, and started on a trail called the Pacific Crest Trail. I had no idea how long a walk it would be but it sounded cool and the view was something right out of a story book. I couldn’t help myself so I kept going until I found a lake. It was pretty so I sat down and stared at it a while.”

“And she was there a while, that’s for sure,” Ben added. 

Again all eyes were on him and he could feel his admission burning his cheeks.

“Wait,” Sky frowned and waved her hand away from Dad a moment, which inadvertently gave the man a chance to cool down. “What do you mean you went up the coast?”

“It sounds like she walked, genius. Listen between the lines. You ever do that?” Junior dropped his head back like his father and covered his face.

“Well yeah, I just want to get the right picture. I don’t want to guess important parts.”

“Is it really that important that she walked the coast—“

“It is actually,” their mother stopped Junior and Sky stuck her tongue out at him even though his eyes were still covered. “It means I was able to catch food, had access to water I’d have to boil and let cool for fresh water, that I could bathe, and contrary to what some believe,” Rey took a quick knowing look at their father, “sand is softer to sleep on than most other surfaces. Aside from that, it slows people and some animals down. So altogether, just a safer place to sleep, minus the tide coming in,” Rey grinned at that despite how cold the water was in the dead of night and how she had to run to save her stuff. 

Junior put his hand up, stopping his mother and pointed at Dad to carry on.

Ben looked everywhere but at Rey trying to come to terms with telling her how beautiful he thought she was while she stumbled along the shore. 

“Well, your mom was obviously tired when I saw her—“

“Where were you?” Skylar asked, getting a frown from her brother again. “Sorry.”

“I’d just started my hike and stopped at Lake Morena, which is about twenty miles in from the starting point,” Ben waited for Skylar to jump in but she didn’t, learning, he supposed, from all her other interruptions. “I had stopped to take a few pictures and turned to see mom filling multiple canisters with water like she’d never seen it before.”

Rey rolled her eyes and waved her hands as if to say “duh!” but stayed silent instead.

“Well, I didn’t know—“ Ben cleared his throat, and continued. “Anyway, I didn’t know what to do or if I should say hi or anything so I took a seat on a rock and just watched her do stuff. Not like creepy or anything. I kinda just threw rocks in the lake in front of me and watched the clouds drift by in the lake's reflection. It was oddly calming… and I just… don’t _do:_ calm.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Junior said under his breath. 

“So, I waved. Just a small one… just to say hi without being weird I guess,” Ben added.

“It’s not weird to say hi to someone, Ben,” Rey assured him.

“Fine. Kids, I was really attracted to your mom,” he let slide, covering his face like Junior to cover his burning, bright red blush now covering his cheeks and clearly on its way up to the very tips of his ears. 

“Really?” Rey asked, turning a little more to see at least the side of his face. “Ben,” she paused, reaching for his wrist to gently push it aside. “You thought I was pretty?” 

“Yeah?” He groaned then saw her surprise. Did she not know? “Really pretty,” he squeezed out. “Like, I couldn’t breathe when you noticed me too, that kind of beautiful.”

“You had me surprised. You were kind of standoffish and didn’t seem to be thrilled that I was there.”

“I never meant that. I just couldn’t see straight or make sentences...I did follow you though, as I recall, so that had to count as something.”

“Well, it became everything, Ben, but at the time you were making life a little harder than it had to be.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You basically started listing all the places you’d been to with other parties— girls, like that was supposed to make me feel worthy of being around you… like… like a resume,” she replied.

Ben huffed at that. He did admittedly do that to her and every passing moment he could feel his conscience slap him upside the head with everything he brought up. It was like he couldn’t see where he was, like he couldn't process being outside of the city even though it was his idea to go out there and backpack by himself.

“Alright yes, that was dumb, but I’m a guy—Junior take some notes. Women don’t like that.” 

Junior threw a thumb up in the air to keep the conversation moving. Of course he knew girls weren’t into that, he’d seen the two of them practically his whole life and bragging never worked to impress Mom.

“And you were like the sun. The way you’d look at me like you cared to hear about my life even through all that, well, it made me feel like following you for as far as you’d let me.”

Rey chuckled at that. The sound alone brought out the warmth in his big brown eyes, making her quiet down.

“Except when I offered to do the challenge together,” she added.

“It wasn’t that,” Ben countered.

“What was it then?”

“You know exactly what. We were already at the lake and you wanted to turn around, walk twenty miles back to the starting point and start again. Twenty miles, Rey.”

“Out of the grand scheme of things, when you set up for a hike, doing that specific trial, I have to say I am surprised you were _that_ focused on numbers and not just being there.”

“Can you blame me? Not all of us can have the life awakening you did and walk through Mexico like it was just a day trip,” Ben chortled. 

“Well no, maybe not. But you _did_ have one. You did wind up on that trail and better still, you did turn around and make it back to start with most of your complaints hidden somewhere under your breath.”

Ben had the decency not to say anything. He knew not to… but then his brow set, adding, “I’m pretty sure they weren’t under my breath.”

“No,” she agreed. “A lot of it was very obvious and loud. Mostly taking shots at the idea. I think I offered you a chance to turn around and go off on your own before starting anything new with me—“

“And that hurt. And I stopped… but you kept going. I felt like I was in trouble.”

“You were in trouble,” she agreed. “I didn’t need the extra backtracking—“

“Then why did you offer it up?”

“Because! You were so worried about a life that didn’t matter on the other coast, there on that trail, that I figured you needed to dump it off in Mexico to get it in your head that you were really here. That you were really going to do this now… like a commitment to yourself that you mattered for more than whatever your wallet said.”

Ben’s eyes widened. She never told him why, necessarily. He thought about the backtracking and how much he hated it then how literally uncomfortable he was with crossing the border illegally. Sure he had his passport with him at all times but they weren’t walking through some terminal where he could prove who he was. Ben’s biggest fear was getting shot and he was not close to quiet about it. 

“Would you stop being such a baby?” Rey hissed, she took his hand and strode on forward the half a mile they had to in order to restart. “At least I know what you’re made of,” she said coolly. 

That should have done it for him. It should have ended their day. He should have tried for an Uber or something to pick him up even though it would have been a hike back to civilization just to get one. But then he had the nerve to ask what she meant and his world came crashing down. 

“It means you're honest. Being out in the wilderness, it really helps to know who you’re with, even if you think you’re alone, no one ever really is.”

He hadn’t thought of it like that. Ben truly thought he was just being an ass to get her to see his way. He had no idea how much of him she could really see… and that’s when he turned with her back to the horizon from which they came and started their adventure together.


	3. Chapter 3

Walking back toward the lake was embarrassing. It was absolutely quiet with the exception of the sound of their shoes marching along the dirt path and the weight of their combined sighs filling the air around them. 

Every time he tried to think of something to say, the words would clog up in his throat, leaving him to swallow his thoughts that instant. 

By the time they reached the lake, Ben’s legs were sore enough to really feel. He was sure he’d feel them for the rest of his life. Idly he wondered how she felt, but again his question died on his lips the moment she dropped her pack.

“We’ll have to set up camp before the sunsets. It’ll be too dark to see anything after that…” she mumbled then turned to break down her gear. 

Ben followed suit preparing his tent, finally. Besides the fact that he’d walked _so_ much further than he anticipated for that day, he felt the need to impress this girl, the one that put him in his place with her blatant honesty. That was weird, he thought at least. Usually women gave into him. His dashing wardrobe usually caught the ladies in a mess of ramblings, all ready to touch him, hang on him… and it felt good to a point but when it was all over, whoever the woman was never wound up really matching with him. Her curves were usually… fine for other things, but her personality just wasn’t there. There wasn’t any… life to her where there was with Rey and that in it of itself was hard to take.

How long had it been like that? How long did the people he knew only see a suit? 

Ben knew he was more than that, he winced at the thought of bringing it up. Well not it, not that specifically, but more that he was well abled in this camping field. His hesitation lied on the flatlines of his craftsmanship earlier on while he only talked about himself. Ben sighed at the thought. He’d been a total ass and there was no way to get that time back. 

He wondered how he should show her that he could do this, that he could teach her a thing or two, but remained quiet. It was the only smart thing left to do.

Ben popped his tent with ease, started an oil burning lamp that he’d infused with citronella to keep the bugs away. He dabbed a couple cotton balls with peppermint oil which he read about online that’s supposedly kept rodents away, which he could only assume would keep other things away too, rolled out his sleeping bag and continued to get ready for bed as the sun dipped just below the mountain range out in the distance. 

When he was finished he reached for a few holders to put between their tents, respectively. He built a pit and went to put a large stone over top of it when Rey offered her cast iron pan and pot with a can of beans standing upright inside. 

“I’ll catch, you cook?” she said more than asked. It made his guy turn in a way that made him wonder what kind of survivalist he’d run into in the first place.

“I can catch,” he nodded at some fishing gear he’d brought along. Rey’s lips parted slightly and angled her head questioningly. 

“So you can’t cook?”

“Well, no that’s not what I said,” Ben promised. “I meant that I could catch and you could cook. They are yours and all.”

Her eyes narrowed as if she was getting ready to say something before nodding and accepting the role. 

“Alright. It’s just getting late and it's best we don’t attract animals by cooking later than sundown.”

“How do you know that?” Ben winced when he asked, not sure of whether or not he wanted the details. 

“Well, there’s a reason I don’t have a sleeping bag anymore. Mountain lion came into camp looking for freebies and snagged my bag instead,” Rey shrugged. 

Ben frowned immediately. 

“How long ago was that?” 

“About a week?”

“How don’t you freeze?” he’d been quick to ask.

“Who’s to say I don’t?” she smirked, then changed her tune. “Nah, Nah. Relax now. My dirty laundry usually fills in pretty well now and it’s not like we’re not heading into the summer months,” she said, rolling her eyes, yet the night approached and it was cool enough to make him shiver just slightly making him wonder just how she’d been making it through. “Honestly, I’m good,” Rey held up her hands promising she really was just fine.

“Alright,” Ben agreed to drop it, offering a sign of peace by reaching for the items she’d offered him to cook with.

Agreeing to do what she asked wasn’t the easiest. At home he was the man. He went out and got the food, albeit not hunting or fishing in the natural means but he could get it and bring it in. There was a buzz he liked to feel, the one that happened when people were thankful for his contribution and he was giving it up for this random girl that turned his world upside down. 

Ben licked his lips which was one of his nervous ticks, then pressed them together to control it. He didn’t need her knowing _that_ much about him. Not that she didn’t know enough already, but showing off his nerves sounded like an invitation to a conversation he wasn’t ready to have. 

It seriously irked him that she was getting along without a sleeping bag, especially being that she essentially worked her body raw, sweat and all and was accepting of not staying warm at night though. It sounded like a perfect way to get sick. Did she not know that? Ben’s brow furrowed thinking about the chill he’d been exposed to just earlier and wondered how willing she’d be to share his. 

His face burned immediately at the thought of that conversation. _That_ needed to stay inside because god help him, _they just_ met _that day_ , and she already could see right through him. He could just see how that would play out, especially with the thought of having so many girls on his arm comment. It wasn’t like he took them all to bed but he certainly didn’t help her understand that. Oh, _god_ , he thought, what was he going to do to fix that?

Rey hadn’t been gone long; he noticed only when she came back with several small fish, each limp while she pinched their tail fins between her fingers which struck him as odd. 

“How did you manage that?” Ben asked, his Adam’s apple bobbed in time with his voice cracking which made him feel young and inexperienced all at once. 

Rey shrugged, kneeled beside him and began to clean the fish. 

“I’ve had time to practice.”

Ben’s face felt hotter than the flame could provide and worried that maybe she’d see, but Rey never looked up from what she was doing. 

“There’s a grate in my pack to set the pans on. You think you could go get it?”

Ben nodded quickly then moved like an excited child away from her and over to it, eager to please her. It also gave him some space and immediately made him wonder if she sent him over there for some peace. Just the thought made him flash through the instances that it happened throughout his own life and needed to correct that. She shouldn’t send him away… 

Taking some time to make sure he got it and put her stuff back sort of the same way he found it, Ben marched himself back over to her to hand her the item. 

Instead of letting the silence go, he asked anything just to disturb it. 

“Why do you have gardening tools with you?”

Rey paused for a minute then shook her head, replying, “Is this your first time?” 

Ben blinked at her ready to give her a piece of his mind. 

“It’s okay if it is. I’m not judging. It would just help to know.”

“No,” he answered evenly. 

“Okay. So, when you're camping, what do you like?”

His silence wasn’t telling, to him that is, but she nodded and continued.

“I’ve had a respectable amount of time out in the elements, Ben.” 

He couldn’t stop the way he felt when she said his name. His heart sped up and his ability to listen magnified only to lose focus when she looked at him.

“The hand rake is for people like me that lost their gear and have to sleep on the ground. I don’t like having to sleep on rocks unless it’s hot and large and even then it can be painful to deal with the next day. So… I dig out my space and remove small stones from the area so I can sleep, because _no one wants to see me tired,_ ” she had the decency to laugh at that which welcomed him to do the same. 

“So you get cranky?”

“I don’t think cranky is the word for it,” she snorted, then signaled for Ben to take the fish. “But you certainly don’t want to leave this animal hungry, so let's go.”

Ben gulped then tried to focus. Was she saying those things to get under his skin? 

His eyes darted around after trying to keep his focus both on and off of her while she moved around her campsite, readying herself for bed while he cooked. 

The filets she made we’re sort of sticking to the pan and he’d soon been very thankful for the beans she had on hand. Again it made him wonder how much she had and if she meant to stop at any point. Where did she come from anyway? Were mountain lions lurking around them despite the flat land they’d found themself in? Then the quiet thought of his mother had popped up in his mind—what if she was just a product of his imagination? What if he passed out earlier in the day by the lake and wasn’t waking up? What if…

“How’re they comin?” Rey asked, her voice was softer now, like it responded to the time of night they’d been venturing in on together. 

Ben practically swallowed his tongue at the sound, then had the nerve to look up at her. She’d changed from her tank, shorts tube socks and boots to a long tunic of a shirt with long fluttering sleeves and darkly colored leggings with what looked like slippers stuffed in her open hiking boots. Ben panned his gaze to somehow cut off that mess there and try not to focus on her body so much as her face. 

His silence prompted her to speak up again. 

“I think they might be done, Ben.”

“Um…”

“The fish. You’re not gonna want them—“

“I’m pretty sure I want them,” Ben interrupted. 

“Mhmm,” she smiled shyly. “Then maybe pull them from the fire?” 

Rey sat again beside him, handing him a fork, knife and plate she had for herself and proceeded to pick at the pieces still in the pan. 

“Do you want—“ Ben started to lean towards her and the pan with the fork she lent him. “Here,” he chased around the fish left there to bring to her lips. Originally, he thought he’d just been helping but when he looked up into her eyes she’d connected to him, seeing him fully, as if he’d been given a chance to start over just by offering to help her. 

It felt oddly intimate, sharing her fork, the one he was eating with extended to her and resting at her lips. Watching her take it into her mouth set chills running down his spine.

“Thank you,” she whispered before accepting his kindness.

“No, Rey. Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for this. This day. Even though I fucked it up.”

Rey’s smile grew wider even though she’d been trying to chew her food. 

“You didn’t screw up the day,” she paused to swallow. 

“I did too..”

“Nah. I’m sort of impressed you stuck by, to be honest.”

Ben perked up then pushed back his shoulders intent on finding more food that wasn’t too stuck on the cast iron pan for her again. He’d feed her like this all the time if she let him, or better still, made him feel like he was more than he thought. 

“Alright…” Rey took the fork from him. 

It was awkward. 

But she touched his hand and he could still sort of count it as a win, right?

“You good?” she asked, clearing her throat a minute. 

Had it been brighter out maybe he could have seen her better, maybe she was just as affected by him as he was for her. But there they were, the fire just barely lighting their faces, the temperature dropping steadily around them. 

“Yeah,” he answered airily but didn’t truly feel _good_. “Um,” he added, the cool air pushing him to ask his looming question. “Do you wanna share?”

His question was out before he could think better of it and her eyebrow quirked you quickly after in question. 

“I mean my sleeping bag? I mean...do you want to sleep together… with me, in my bag?” Ben dropped his eyes from her, groaning in the mental pain he’d just brought on himself, again. 

“You’re sweet.”

Ben’s mind shorted out.

“But you need it. There’s no way we’d both—“

“And you don’t? You’re small and smart,” he added, patting himself on the back for that one. She was smart. At least that’s the impression she gave him. “And we can figure it out…”

“Ben…”

“Rey, no. You did all this for me today. Please let me do this for you. It doesn’t have to be anything. Just warmth...protection, maybe some actual rest for you?”


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Rey woke to a start. She was warm. Too warm. The kind of warm that made her feel like she slept too long into the morning, or… her eyes snapped open to see that Ben’s sleeping bag, the one he offered her the night before, had been draped over her. The soft material began to lull her back to sleep making her drift off with concern. 

They didn’t sleep together, did they? 

Rey frowned trying to really think that through. Her body was so beat up from tracking back and forth that it was possible she gave into not having to be as on edge as she was while traveling alone. In fact, she couldn’t remember waking up to check the perimeter, not once. Protection, if that’s what he was doing, was kind of nice, actually. He didn’t have to. He could have stolen the rest of her gear and booked it but there really was nothing for miles and maybe that comment of pissing her off worked to her advantage. Then again, it wasn’t like she feared the man either. He kind of seemed like a softie, even if he kept talking about his other life. 

Rey has to wonder how much of that was a sustainable life. It didn’t seem like one. Always with someone else all the time sort of felt unreal—like he needed to fill a hole in his life so that he could feel like a person. Then again, people were people and she of all of them knew not to judge because one life couldn’t weigh the same as someone else’s. It just didn’t add up that way. There were no truths in being better than others, just matching better, and Rey for one, was done with that cat and mouse game. 

Being pursued was a rush more so in the tropics than anywhere else she’d been, but all the fact remained, they weren’t in it for her, just a warm body to shack up with, if even just for the afternoon. 

Ben didn’t seem to sound like that, even with his stories. He seemed genuine, like a lost boy, and she sort of wanted the privilege to help him come around to himself.

“Aw so you were like Tinkerbell?” Sky mused. “I could see that.” The girl looked around the room at her parents who were sitting a tad closer now, their faces looking down at their clasped hands. “Sorry, sorry… I’ll stop.”

“Thanks, Sky,” Rey paused then looked up to her husband, “I really did want to try.”

“I know,” he whispered. 

Rey continued on explaining that she’d forced herself awake to find Ben still asleep. She’d returned his blanket, laying it over him and knew full well that she shouldn’t linger but couldn’t help herself. 

“I stayed just long enough to watch him cuddle in,” she said. It felt odd admitting that she always wondered what that might feel like and once more that she wanted him to but there she was telling even her kids that it was everything to her. 

That morning seemed to change things for them. 

Breakfast wasn't in the forefront of her mind as it should have been. Instead, Rey found herself lingering on the night before. How sweet Ben had been. It was a change from earlier in the day, and certainly a change from the life she once knew. He didn’t have to give her his bag or stick around for that matter, not after the hell she’d given him. Rey nodded at that as if she was listening to someone else explain the story. 

The thing she needed more than anything though was not to get attached. Even the slight thought of him leaving made her feel sick. How could she already have such a reaction after half a day? 

Maybe it was just him.

Rey turned to look back at the rustling just behind her. Ben looked as though he’d been surprised to see her up and even more so that he had his blanket in hand. 

“Thank you,” she offered her sleepy friend. 

His eyebrows lifted then frowned at the sound. Ben squinted, then patted down his pack until he came upon the side. Rey watched intently until he pulled a smallish hard leather case. In it were a smaller white case that resembled contacts and glasses, which he took out and situated on his long face. 

“Sorry?” Ben asked in a way that made her sure he didn’t know where he was so she tried again. 

“It was really sweet of you to do that for me, with your blanket, I mean. I’ve never really been the type to want to sleep in, kinda made me want to,” Rey’s cheeks burned so brightly the beat she could do was smile and fidget with her fingers before looking to pack up.

“Maybe next time…” Ben started to say before stopping himself. 

Her smile seemed to be enough of an answer, but to be sure she nodded, “Maybe next time.”

Was it just her? Or did her heart start to slam beats in her chest at the mere mention of being alright with that? 

Ben seemed affected too but the man clearly didn’t look like a morning person. 

“Are you okay?” Rey managed asking through it. 

“Oh, um… yeah. I think I might need your hand rake next time too.”

Rey stifled her smile then nodded again, adding, “I’ll help you tonight.”

A familiar sound rattled in his bag first, then his hands, drawing her eye to how tiny the pill bottle looked in his large hands. Alright, she nodded inwardly, so his size did make her feel protected, and maybe a little excited. It didn’t mean he had those same feelings about her necessarily. Rey was sure she was just reading into the care he’d shown, and well, the care she offered in return. 

“So,” she happened to say then found him packing up his gear too. “You don't happen to have a map on you?”

Oh,  _ fuck _ . Why’d she use those words? 

The man started patting himself down, fist his chest, spreading his fingers over the lean muscle just beneath his shirt, disturbing her thoughts only further until he’d patted down the remainder of what could be in his pockets. Oh... _ god _ the way he… Rey dropped her gaze down to his feet. Did he see her?

No, no. Definitely not. He did not catch her looking him over. That… nope. 

How about that map, she steadied herself finally, when he took a step towards her. 

“You don’t have one but knew how to take me back to Mexico?” he asked, breaking the obvious ice flow between them.

“Nah,” she shrugged, “I mean there is a path and general direction.” 

It was his turn to grin, showing his dimples which in turn made her smile more. 

“You mean I didn't march across country lines?”

“Oh, you better believe you did. I did come from there and all.”

Ben’s eyebrows shot up far past the sky the more they talked about it but Rey wasn’t about to spend a full day standing around. It already felt strange to allow it and not be working, and so she began to move. 

Their conversations for the day drifted in and out like the breeze. It felt like a natural flow. Neither needing to speak more than the other… it was just... them taking on the path, changing the sights on step at a time. They talked about the scenery, she’d smile when he’d step aside for her to go first, or when he’d tugged her hard towards him when he’d noticed a snake in the tall grass. It wasn't as if the snake couldn't have lunged its body towards them and got her anyway, it was more that he cared enough to try to stop it before the intrusion started.    
  
“For a man of so many words,” she teased him just slightly, while she processed the very fact that she was now flush against him, her hands resting on those hard plains of his chest like a damned damsel in distress just to feel like herself again, “You’d think--”

“I offered you my protection last night, Rey. It wasn't a one time thing,” he said in a serious tone, while he watched the creature slither away. 

“Easy tiger,” she replied, slipping her hands down and away from him awkwardly.

It wasn’t like that, Rey was sure of it. 

But then he lingered, holding her until he was sure it was gone, “Sorry… I just, I mean we’re way out here in the wilderness like you put it last night. It might sound dramatic since we really just met, but it would kill me if something happened to you that I could have stopped.”

Yep, that was dramatic alright. 

She should have been scared. People like that always lashed out, the ones in her life at least, but the longer she looked at him, she could see the sincerity in his eyes. 

“What is it you like about me so much that you need to feel like that?” she asked.

It was out far before she could really let the idea of asking such a dumb question play out in her own mind. What was she thinking asking this guy that? He’d said it, he had so many people that gave a damn about him back at home where she literally had nothing, no reason to go back except for a small beachy apartment she really should have canceled the lease for. Rey rolled her eyes at the mess that would potentially become as well as the thought of returning. There was literally nothing really to go back to besides her succulents that clearly did better when she wasn't watering the daylights out of them. 

“I like you,” he answered simply. He sounded breathy like he’d just run a race and just barely crossed the finish line before speaking. Was he nervous? “And I think I need you?” 

Oh boy, now there was a question. Was it a question? Or did his voice just crack again? Rey had wondered the first time it happened, then again this time, maybe it happened when he didn't feel like he was in control? And maybe that was perfect because she certainly didn't feel in control either. 

“Oh, I mean, what?” 

Damn it all with her tone. That she kicked herself about constantly. It always got her in trouble, or left, or worse… but that was a topic for another time. 

“No really, Ben… I need you to tell me. In words.”

It was his turn to look at her oddly then drop his hands to his sides, slightly touching her own. 

“I um, I’ve never really been so quick to being drawn to someone, but I can't get you out of my head and its only been a day, not even. I don't know what this feeling is. If its elation that someone out there like you exists or infatuation because you’re…” Ben grunts at his verbal diarrhea, “You’re gorgeous. Maybe that's it. Maybe I’m just being lead around by my pants. But I like you. There. There I said it.”

Rey could only smile shyly and nod. 

There was really no way that she could top what he’d said, not that she wanted to. She had this beautiful stranger caring for her and all...It was all a little too much to reply to, so instead she looked up at him and asked if it was safe going now. 

At his nod, she reached for his hand and laced her fingers in his. It was wordless, sure, but he hasn't asked for her admission, and quite honestly, she wasn't sure enough about herself to be taking on a relationship. Not ever before that really even though she’d tried and failed miserably. What if this was a repeat of what she knew? 

Would Mr. Infatuated-with-her-in-a-day still be tomorrow? Would he be interested? Would he be leaving a mark on her heart and then leaving the next day? Could she deal with the heartbreak?

She could only assume things would change, they always did. Happily ever after always just seemed too far out of reach that she couldn't settle her racing mind or worse, tell him she felt mildly the same, and so she squeezed his hand and asked him to lead the way.

Her mind wandered throughout the rest of the day, his hand in hers, the way he’d sit casually next to her while they ate their lunch, or the way he’d respectfully help her up, never once touching her inappropriately regardless of the lower foot traffic now, especially higher up within Mount Laguna. He could technically have tried and not been seen by anyone, but Rey respected the fact that he hadn’t. 

Contrary to how he’d been complaining that morning, she was glad to hear that he hadn't been a complainer. If he really did sleep horribly, he certainly had not gone on about how he wanted to stop and rest. He kept her pace, seemed excited to just be there with her and became playful here and there, racing her over the first pass which she found absolutely adorable. 

“Wow, would ya look at that,” Rey stopped to look at their current view, how pink and purpley the sky had gotten and orangy brown the range around them had gotten in the hours that had gone by. “It’s beautiful.”

Ben stood to his full height at the sound of her soft tone, answering just as softly, “Yea, beautiful.”

Rey shook her head trying to let that go too. There was no way he really meant her. 

“Alright, Romeo,” she teased him. “Where are you thinking about for camp?”

Ben surprisingly had been paying attention, looked for a spot with a limited amount of rocks, finding nearly none here. 

“We may have to keep going to find something more suitable to lay on,” he admitted then chewed the side of his cheek taking in the sun’s position in the sky. “Or you could just…”

Rey couldn't help but want to know what he’d offer tonight and felt all the air escape her lungs when he’d offered her to use him. 

“What?” her question came quicker this time, followed by an answer he was surely not looking to hear but got anyway. “I do not want to use you, Ben. You’ll be so sore. No, we need to find another place regardless of the approaching darkness.”

“Rey, it's a mountain. The light is failing us even now. Please? We can curl up here in this little space if my wellbeing bothers you that much.”

“It does,” she quickly replies. “I don't want you to get hurt at my expense. I like you too much to let you do that, so… so come up with something right for both of us,” she pressed. 

Her admission caught him like wildfire, or so it seemed. She watched as he battled with making them a bed and breathing, and well, everything to do with walking towards her. 

“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath the second he’d made his way back to her. “I need to hear that again. I need to know. Rey I,” he challenged himself to hold off from touching her while he waited. And he did, the good man he kept promising her that he was throughout the day. 

God it was just a day and the heat from her gaze had him all but barreling into her when she finally reached for him, repeating herself carefully.

“I like you, Ben.” 

Hearing him suck in his breath had to be the most rewarding sound she’d ever heard. Not her own name, not the sound of a moan, the very thought that she’d stolen his breath away was both powerful and mind blowing at the same time. 

He hadn’t been forceful with her regardless of the way he closed the gap between them. Instead he held her just as he did, his hands settling around her hips, pulling her close. 

“Just, just tell me. Tell me everything, anything… what you want from me and it’s yours, Rey. All of it,” Ben bent forward, his lips parting just slightly, making Rey panic slightly. 

How could this be right? How could she feel as safe as she did in this mess of emotion? He was a whirlwind coming straight for her and she was nothing but a leaf ready to be kicked up in his path. Still she managed to let go of all she knew, welcoming his lips to hers. 

Their first kiss was exactly that. Soft yet sloppy, a mess really. Two grown adults not knowing how to feel the other out, unsure of what the other wanted, but that's what made her love it. Better still, that's what made her believe him. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

That night had been entertaining to say the least, and he was sure to make her smile just as much as he challenged her. There was this common ground he felt he reached when they kissed. Relief mostly. She could have shoved him away. The image of which still carefully plays out in his mind. It’s like he’s trying to keep an eye on her motives—such a strange thing to be thinking, honestly, but with his past and being dumped or used all the time, it was hard not to imagine a less bumpy road than what he was used to. 

She’d already said she’d been over it, people, their crap. She’d weighed in on her thoughts of realism, her interests, parts of her past making him believe that she was either a nomad at what point in her life or a Gypsy. Not staying in one place for long sort of flipped him out where as he’s known several homes all belonging to either him or his family over the years, a few of which were secondary homes that were bought with the intention of being summer homes, which again, Rey seemed to have no real fascination with like the people he thought he knew. 

“Don’t get me wrong,” he remembers her saying. “People are drawn to what they are, but having more than one house that will rarely get used doesn’t serve a purpose. That home would be better off offered to someone without one…”

She had a point, but explaining that houses couldn’t technically just be given. The physical element could but keeping it functioning and the property taxes alone were enough to avoid that concept altogether. 

  
  


The quick thinker she was suggested that they be bought up by the town and made into halfway houses instead but again there he was crushing those dreams, giving legitimate answers for what? The only thing he’d get in response was a nod and some silence. 

Ben found the silence unnerving. He was putting it there instead of just living, like she was. It made him question things. Not specifically her. He  _ liked _ her. He liked her closeness, and her, and their sort of embarrassing kiss...which he needed to rectify. His questions began revolving around her behavior, why she was a gypsy, why she had to always feel like she had to have the opposing answer or do the next thing that seemed to shut him down, like with the campsite not being ideal at the top of this rocky terrain. What if it downpours? There’d be little he could do to stop that or keep them safe from the elements up there. Or what if it got too windy? Ben grimaced about that. It was unnerving standing close enough to the edge and feeling like he could fall to his death from something so simple as a gust of wind. 

That was dum. He was being dumb, but refocusing came easier than it had in months. That was new. Was it her? Was she inspiring him? He wasn’t sure but he was sure that they’d make it through. 

His mom would be proud, he thinks as he finishes scraping out a small section for them to lay closer in from the surrounding edges. Protecting her was his main objective. It warmed him in such a way he didn’t ever want to lose that. 

“Ermph!” He heard her grunt and immediately popped up to see what she was up to. 

Every fiber in his being screamed to go help her, and so he stopped what he was doing to see if he could help. Ben was surprised to see her looking on the ground again for smallish stones, grabbing at a few that were just about the size of a golf ball, then looked right back up at the sky. Again her grunt sounded and launched the rock up towards the high flying flock above them. No matter how hard she threw, she was t going to get them anyway, and so Ben did the same, silently offering his help.

While they tried and failed miserably at that activity, Ben did his best not to point out the obvious, which was simply that even if they did strike the bird down, it would still fall somewhere down the mountain, and they’d still have to navigate through that just to maybe find their meal with and hope they weren’t being followed back to camp with it. 

“Did this work for you before?” Ben asked instead.

“It was a long shot, but once, on a pigeon. I think he was just too stupid to move though… maybe partially dead already,” she replied. “It would really help to maybe barter for trade somewhere. Could really use a long range item,” she added “and maybe a flare.”

Okay that made him squirm a little. Like what on earth would she need that for? Not to mention how his body physically responded in dry heaves about possibly eating a half-dead-before-it- _ was- _ dead pigeon. The very fact of the matter was this girl needed to be taken care of and because of it Ben set himself into overdrive thinking about what he could do for her to help her feel that he was there for her. 

If she’d been out here this long, even if it  _ was _ a week, or slightly more, he’s sure she would go for anything, but how would he know for sure? That would take some research… Next, he reached for his phone looking, searching his Amazon app and hoped to god they could do an airdrop to their location, if not that night, maybe another one closer inland. Granted that could be what? A week or so more of insane amounts of the trail covered. Ben groaned, another week without pizza? What was he going to do?

“Hey, so… I don’t have much but at least we don’t have to pluck something just to eat it,” she said holding up Veg-Meat packages and instant potatoes that looked a lot more like a bag of sand. 

Yes. 

Airdrop would be much better or he was sure he’d drop a considerable amount of weight, similar, he’s sure, to what she had. Rey wasn’t bony necessarily. Certainly stronger than she looked. He couldn’t help but wonder if she’d fill out or be rounder like he was before many of his growth spurts while he was a kid. Ben bit his lip at the thought of holding her curvier imaginative form—if she’d let him by then… if she did grow at least he’d know he had something to do with it. The idea made him smile… then tamp down the need to make the change now. It was her body, her decision, after all. 

“What are you… are you okay?” Ben heard her ask just as flatly as she was soft. 

“Yeah,” he replied, raising his eyebrows to her questionable look. 

“You just seem different. I mean I know we don’t really know each other or anything but you’re different now and I don’t really know what to do with this new you,” she said waving her hand around the shape of his form. 

“I’m not different,” he promised. 

“But you—“ she pointed at his phone. “I mean if it’s more important— I’m  _ not _ judging…”

“No that’s not,” Ben grumbled. “I’m—there’s nothing, I’m not…” 

“It’s okay, Ben.”

Ben’s body hummed with nervousness. He’d heard his aunt say it to his uncle  _ so _ many times before they split. 

No… 

Rey turned from him, a sad little let down and it showed. She curled a loose tendril around her ear, covered her chest with crossed arms and moved away, back in the direction of his freshly raked dirt. One last nod from her made him jump out of his skin. This couldn’t be goodbye, she, they… well they just admitted their attraction to each other. He kissed her! Was that not enough to tell her how he felt? 

“Did you really feel like that?” Rey asked just as quietly as that night.

“I can’t feel anything half assed, you know that,” Ben mumbled back to his wife.

It was true. Ben would either get full scale angry or be the most relaxed person to be around. If he was happy, he could laugh for hours at the dumbest things. 

When he tried faking his way through things like his first communion, or first day of school or the forever awkward school dances he’d only go to if he got paid to, his parents were there with a camera and some remark just to screw with him. “You’ll regret that look when you're older,” or “someday you’ll thank me” was a close second. 

But the way he looked at Rey that night matched the one they’d been in tonight. His eyes were heated, promising far more than they could allow their children to know without severe embarrassment. He could hear their whines now while he descended down from where he’d sat comfortably to where Rey was resting, he couldn’t help the way his body moved, the way he died inside, needing to cover her, to take her. He could only focus on her soft skin, needing to remember how it felt on his, and finally how he absolutely died to taste it. 

“If you guys are gonna do this all night I’ll get the Spark Notes offa Sky in the morning,” Junior groaned leaving the couch entirely. 

“One down,” Ben snickered close to Rey’s ear which made her skin rise at the sound of him. 

He loved that. Rey had always been so in tune with him. Even that night…

“Junior,” Rey called. “It’s okay. Your father doesn’t have to…”

“What if he does?” Ben purred next to her ear. 

“Ahhah! Dad!” Junior proceeds to make gagging sounds as he rounded the couch. 

“ _ What?  _ It’s a beautiful thing,” Ben protests but feels the way his wife leans against him. It was her move to tell him to stop in her nonverbal way. She’d do it to control the situation he thought, but the way she leaned back onto him brought him right back to that night. “C’mon J, don’t you want to know about this?”

“What? How we were made?” the boy scoffs, “there’s plenty of  _ that _ on the internet…”

“Oh my god,” it was Sky’s turn to hide her eyes in embarrassment. 

“Oh stop,” Rey finally called them back to her. “You weren’t conceived until well after Daddy got us back to civilization,” she gasped at the feel of Ben’s strong arms cooling around her and pulling her flush against him. 

“Yep, I’m gone,” he said, pointing at Sky. “Notes.”

“I’m not taking notes! And you owe me for the bat so you're sitting here whether you like it or not!” Skylar lunged off the couch at her brother, circled her arms around his waist and pulled him back over the back of the sofa. 

“Easy!” Rey sat up and away from Ben who only groaned at her detachment from him. 

He needed her close to him…

“Anyway!” Ben mumbled. “Your Mom went off pouting like she does,” he said smiling at the way her mouth popped open and turned to look at him. 

“I do not pout!”

“You do—“ Sky started only to be interrupted by Junior.

“It’s subtle but we know. It’s why Sky was snooping. You guys are acting like teenagers. You ignore her, Dad and Mom keeps herself busy to avoid crying. Sky does it all the time,” Junior shrugs.

Silence came over the room, followed by a delayed gut punch, Junior’s whine, and Skylar’s defiance. 

“I do  _ not _ …”

“Okay… you fight,” he squealed, sure enough to add, “like a girl,” which earned him another jab in the side. 

Ben’s world came crashing down though. It seemed to happen when he least expected it too. He was either at his highest highs or his lowest lows and while the last few years had been a steady float, he was neither living or loving life. He was just making it through, seeing his wife, passing out with the laptop open and on him or in pieces on the floor from shifting. He’d had to replace one every six to eight months because of his sleeping habits he promised weren't a problem. 

They were though, and it showed. 

  
The kids were grown, Rey had gotten skinnier over time even though he vowed never to let her get back to that frail size she’d been all that time ago… his kids were giving him relationship tips--telling him how he was affecting his wife…

There was just so much that was wrong with the picture. 

“Is that… do you? Did I?” Ben babbled, unable to get the words out. 

“I'm not much better,” Rey started, trying to look away from him… anywhere, actually. “I let it happen… I’m not the same person I was I guess.”

Ben watched her chew on her cheek, a learned behavior from him. She’d picked up so many when they returned to civilization. He supposed that she had done it to try and stay within their headspace while living with a community she could care less about. Coming back just, it took such a toll on her. He thought about traveling, wondering if that’s what broke her…

“I’m not the same person I was I guess,” repeated in his mind. It was just as blinding as it was deafening. 

“Do you not want this? Me?” Ben whispered. 

Rey shook her head, “I’ve never wanted anything in my life more than you.”

“Hey,” their children whined, only to get a dirty look from their father. 

Instead of speaking, Ben gathered Rey in his arms, settling her so that her knees bent over his lap, her feet on one side, her bottom on the other so that she could cuddle him the way she used to, when it was just them surrounded by nature. 

Eventually he sighed in relief when she unferreled her arms from hiding in her lap to hold him around his torso and lean her head against his chest. 

“All I’ve ever wanted was you, since that first day and all the stupid things I said and did, Rey,” Ben released his grip on her with one hand to reach under her chin and tip it back up to him. He needed her to see him, really see him when he spoke to her. It was never a thing of power, just, he needed to know she could hear him. When she was sad, nothing could penetrate her walls… nothing. “You are my whole world. I don’t need anything else…”

“What??” the kids complained again.    
  
“What a load of--” Junior continued. 

Ben leaned down as he used to and did his best to wait for her lips to find his. It was an apology he knew she needed to accept. He couldn’t just kiss her and move on. When her soft lips met his she’d only been able to give him a lingering peck. She hadn’t opened up to him entirely, making his heart beat faster. Ben knew he was in trouble, and so he kept her close, and continued on telling them about their story. 

“You see, your Mom here could rely on herself. She didn't need me out there the way I needed her and she still took a chance on me. Your stories will be different but when it’s love, you’ll just feel it. It’ll be incredibly scary, sometimes it’ll feel impossible, but when it’s love,” Ben swallowed then placed another kiss on his wife’s lips, then continued, “you’ll know.”

  
  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

“I’m not the quickest learner,” Rey admitted. 

Sure she had to learn on her own, but she did get onto and survived from some of the dumbest situations in her life and no, Rey never once thought Ben was a dumb descision. Sure, she’d been inexperienced in terms of taking appropriate actions to things, hell, leaving her job as she did was enough to suggest the very fact, but Ben, god, he made her feel like she could let her walls down. She got to feel fun and free and so many other things she couldn’t put her finger on or name, but why did she have to? They were there and wonderful and… and then he acted different and she, well, she felt like she’d been pushed away.

“No, no… that’s not what I meant,” he said, then felt him grab her arm to pull her back to him. It happened in an instant and then he was right there, all broad and tall and there. “Here, look. I just, you ate a half dead bird to get by. Do you know how lucky you are not to be _diseased_?”

Rey felt the corners of her eyes well up with tears, trying to blink back his concern because, well, who did that anyway? Who cared for her that deeply? 

“You’re convincing me to throw rocks at birds to make it through another day? I mean where are you _going_ ? What are you _doing_? I-“ Ben stopped the moment he’d heard her sniffle. 

“I don’t have somewhere to be. I was just accompanying you for as long as you wanted me around I guess.”

“And then what? Starve out here and waste away? “

Her silence was deafening but the way she hid her tears was debilitating. 

“Look, I… Rey,” his voice had gone soft a moment then turned hoarse, “You don’t deserve this. I wanted to see if some place would airdrop a pizza or a week's worth of food. I’ll carry it. I just don’t want you to starve and that’s exactly what you’re doing here.”

“I’m not starving—“

“You are skin and practically bones. You don’t look sickly yet but it’ll come and you, Rey, you could die on this path. Please just… please just let me take care of you.”

Rey blinked back tears of frustration mixed with fear. Did he just tell her to let go? To… she shook her head at the sound of it. Did he know just how long she’s been out there? Did he know what he was asking of her? How hard that would be?

“Please?” His voice dipped, then added, “You said you liked me, didn’t you?”

Rey nodded carefully. 

Ben swallowed hard then forced the rest out. He sounded like he was taking a leap of faith and he sort of was, hoping he’d land in her favor. 

“Let me try to be the guy you deserve. And if doesn’t work the first time we can practice,” he dropped his head, now looking at their feet. “Or I can go. You wouldn’t have to see me again—“

“Can we just _try_ things?” she said while she choked on her words. “For now?”

Ben silently nodded while she took a deep breath.

“I’ve... been... alone… for a while and it’s nice to have you, just really different. And I just feel like I’m going to wake up and it’ll all be a lie… just some dream I conjured up just to pretend I’m not.”

Ben tried to promise her she wasn’t but she raised a hand to him to stop him there. 

“It’s just not going to be easy for me to drop what I know and listen… just like you couldn’t. Not yesterday at least. So…”

“So, we play it slow and honest,” he said, pulling out his phone from his pocket to place it in her hands.

Rey could only look questioningly at it prompting him to explain. 

“All those red marks on the map are places where I can order supplies and have it successfully airdropped to us.”

“What? Like from a plane?” she asked incredulously.

“I mean, technically I could… I know a guy and all, but no, this would be by drone and it could be just about anything you could ever want.”

“Why would you do that for me?” she asked with tears catching in her eyelashes, ready to spill down her cheeks. 

“Because I like you,” he stressed. “And I’d like the privilege to take care of you… but only when you’re ready.”

Rey’s stomach growled and she covered it with her hands adding, “I think I’m ready now.”

Ben covered her hands that held down the rumbling replying, “no, no. Hunger and being ready are two different things. Save that, telling me you’re ready, when you really feel it. I’d rather give in to the truth—to what you really mean.”

It didn’t take much more for her to lean onto him, planting a kiss on his lips that shut out all impending thoughts, dreams of something as silly as true love had to be quieted too. She needed to think. She needed to be careful, but what she really needed was to trust him and let go, and this… this seemed to be the best chance she’d been given in such a long, long time. 

Gone was the uncertainty of how they’d connected before. Rey could find him. Her lips seemed to mold to his effortlessly. They were firm at first, clearly as he’d been taken off guard. Surely, but the moment he caught up, she felt sturdy in her decision to go for it. Ben matched her carefully. He cradled her head and tugged her towards him with his other hand splayed across her lower back. 

Was it odd to love feeling small? 

Maybe she innately loved the feeling of being supported. His words struck her in a way but this was entirely different. It felt like he was promising what he couldn’t in words, that it would be okay and she… Rey could believe him. 

Rey shuddered at the feel of his tongue licking the seam of her lips. Instinctively she granted him access, sighing softly while he reached for her. 

Rey paused their story looking around at the now emptied couch assuming her kids could not deal with the physical closeness of the two of them neither on the couch nor in the story. Wasn’t this what they asked for? What they looked to correct? 

“You can still tell me,” Ben whispered. “I love our story just as I love you.”

Tears sprang in the corners of her eyes. It was as if she needed to hear that just to be sure. 

“You’re sure I’m not keeping you from something else?” Rey asked quietly.

“No,” he shook his head assuringly. “I’m glad you remember as much as you do all these years later. It makes me feel worthwhile because you’re still in my life, Rey.” Ben sighed, long and loud while he studied her face, “I never wanted you to feel like you do or have… I only took up more travel because… because I thought I was bothering you. I figured you had more time to be you and every time I came back you seemed to not want me near. I just thought we were growing apart and I…”

“Ben, your attitude drove most of those arguments. You were always mad or too tired to care. So many times I felt like I was a single parent. I’d cover for you so many times… so many,” she repeated. 

“And you started dropping weight and I thought we didn't have enough funds so I’d take those opportunities. Rey, you are every reason I do what I do. I just want you to be happy and healthy.”

“And with you?”

Ben made a strangled sound before assuring her. “How can I show you that’s true?”

“Stay home,” she answered quietly, nearly sure she hadn’t said it at all.

“Done.”

“What?”

“What else?”

“Um…”

Ben shifted in his seat, pulling her closer to him as he did, as if he needed her flush against him in all forms 

“What would you think of repeating our hike?” he murmured innocently though nothing about it sounded as such.

“What would we do with the kids?” she smiled.

“They’re teenagers. They can watch themselves,” Ben joked.

“They cannot. Ben would have every single person here in the state if we were gone…”

“And Skylar would be right there getting them to pay on entry,” Ben said, realizing he only aided the fact that they shouldn’t leave them. “So, we take them with us.”

“Because that’s simpler… I can see it now. One look at the horizon and Skylar’ll turn back for the car. I don’t know if we can just propose something like this and take them out of school.”

“Oh, _you can take us out of school,”_ started Junior who came back to the couch with a carton of Ben and Jerry’s and a bag of pretzels. 

Rey’s face fell flat in her “unamused” mom look but instead of commenting, asked, “Where’s Skylar?”

“Flirting with the Pizza guy,” he replied. 

“With who?” Ben shot up slightly only because of the way Rey had been situated on his lap. 

“Nah Dad, it’s Andy,” Junior rolled his eyes. “I don’t know how many times he’s tried to tell her off. I mean I kind of feel bad for the guy.”

Ben looked smugly at Rey the moment she told Junior to make sure he packed Skylar’s bag after she went to sleep. 

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get these kids out there.”

“Definitely,” Ben added.

“Yeah,” Junior added, shoveling a scoop of Brownie Batter in his mouth. 

“I wouldn’t…” Rey started.

“—do that if I were you.” Ben finished her sentence.

Junior stopped mid bite, some of the chocolate pieces fell from his spoon, staining his shirt. “Why?” he asked, clearly confused. 

“No bathrooms on the trail,” Ben started simply.

He watched his boy shrug and do it anyway. “That’s more Sky’s problem,” he said with a full mouth. 

“What’s my problem?” he heard his sister asked, scared for the answer. 

“Nothing!” Junior replied quickly, then offered here a large spoonful. 

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

While Skylar and Junior challenged each other on food intake, Ben and Rey made quiet comments back and forth about that night on the top of the mountain range, how she was absolutely  _ dying _ for a pizza or six and Ben would agree. He made mention to the fact that he wouldn’t dare tell her the food she fished the first night was barely enough for him back then, but assured her he suffered through eating several chalky protein bars that at best tasted like the gravel he slid on when he wound up by the lake initially. 

Rey chuckled telling him he got lucky he was cute or she would have made him catch his own food. 

“So if I was ugly you would have ignored me? Is that it?” Ben teased but had the audacity to look both hurt and shocked. 

“I would think you would know me better than that by now,” she said, playing the part of the victim as he was.

Ben played up Skylar’s Vogue style poses when she first learned about the magazine a few years back. Their kid could not understand why the models never smiled and made references to them any time her parents made them go clothes shopping, all of which she practiced her resting bitch face, one Rey could clearly see in Ben’s dirty looks.

“You wound me,” she teased soon after. 

“You guys are so corny,” their son said, rolling his eyes. “If there’s really nothing left to the story, why don’t you two get a room?”

Ben rolled his eyes and sighed picking up where they left off on top of the mountain. 

“The sun had gone down and I challenged your mother to eat as much as she could—“

“Did she? I never see her eat more than a serving in anything.”

“Mostly to make sure you all get fed,” his father countered. “It took several nights of games to try to promise her that there was enough and that she would be able to get more.”

“What were you doing that you thought you couldn’t, Mom?”

“I’d been out there a long time. I never considered a path and always stayed around the coast so I could fish to eat,” she shrugged, then added, “if I was inland, then, I looked for work in exchange for food because money made me more of a target. It wasn’t— where I was— it wasn’t always safe. When I met your father… it was the first time I really felt… safe.”

“Aw Mom, that’s awful. I mean the part before. Not with Dad,” Skylar interrupted her brother before he could speak. 

“Thanks Sky,” Junior eyeballed her. “More ice cream?”

“Why? What’d you do to it?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why—“

“I ate one before I sat down and want the deep dish you brought in,” he said getting up from the couch. “Last chance…”

Sky could only eye it as he left, adding, “maybe later,” before he disappeared into the kitchen. 

“So your mother ate the rest of the protein bars in my bag and I’m pretty sure you snuck my trail mix after I went to sleep,” Ben started up again. 

“It’s not sneaking if it was offered,” Rey countered.

“You did!” Ben grinned, “I was going nuts trying to find it because I thought I left it in the last site or dropped it… but you had it in another compartment the next day.”

“It was good. I never had dried fruits like that. They tasted like the candy my employer would put out in the reception area where guests would come in all full of themselves—“ Rey stopped herself. “I’ve had a lot of jobs, but this place really cared about their travelers and staff. I could have sworn they put it out for us so we could stay sweet and take their punishment,” she said lightly. 

Ben stares oddly at Junior who winked. He knew the boy would get him what he needed, and in turn he’d learn a thing or two about how to treat a woman, and still have the flexibility of screwing with his sister, because… sibling rivalry was and always would be a must. 

“That night you were particularly shy, and cuddly,” added Ben. 

“You fed me and had the only blanket,” she grinned but it soon faded. “I liked you and it was enough to trust you too. Why wouldn’t I have wanted to be?”

“No reason,” Ben claimed. “That sleeping arrangement was awful though. The sleeping bag did not fix the ground and no matter how much we raked up, it was still uneven with stone that couldn’t be moved. The only good news was that I had ordered the first drop and it had been confirmed that night… we just had to get to it before it was the next day or it would have been free to anyone that found it.”

“I remember you being weird about it. You practically ran everywhere,” Rey smiled. 

“Well, it had to be intercepted and broken down. If you recall we had kindling and everything for a good fire the next night, covered good ground, you laughed a lot…”

“You swallowed a bug cloud talking,” she giggled then made the same face he did, showing the kids exactly what he did. 

“Yeah, yeah…”

“But you ate like a queen that night,” he said, his heart sped up at the memory. 

“I don’t think we can burn this without it being bad for us to breathe in,” she said practically licking the extra sauce that was left in the wrapper their spareribs came in. 

It was such a sight to see. She looked so innocent yet wild, and Ben could only feel the need to pursue her more. So many times he felt the urge to lick her fingers for her, but it would have defeated the purpose of this. She needed it. She needed no one… but wanted him, and it was thrilling. He’d give everything to her. 

The thought crossed his mind of forever before he could ramp it down. Before long he needed to know if she’d ever consider him as more than they were despite the short time that they’d known each other. Another idea sparked his interest as she continued sampling just about everything he’d managed to get.

He soon found himself whittling away on a stick they’d collected for extra kindling. His idea first stemmed from the fact that he’d need to know how large to make her finger, then he could really get to work. He could further his questions, asking simple things at first, maybe even about her dreams or where she sees herself in the future, or —he shook his head trying not to get so far ahead of himself when he felt her close again.

“Open,” she said simply, sharing a bite she’d pulled off the bone for him, her fingers resting at his lips pinching the morsel did him in. 

Ben dropped his knife and project at the same time he opened his mouth to her, the sweetness of the sauce slipped in along with the salt of the meat. It was heaven, the best thing he’d ever tasted because she held it. But it wasn’t enough. 

Rey lingered there readying more when he held up his hands to stop her. He couldn’t handle another bite. Not like that. 

A combined grunt stopped that memory prompting one last plea to get on with it instead of all the kissing.

“We get it. You were into each other,” Junior pressed. 

“You’re no fun,” Ben replied. “How else am I going to give you my great ideas for picking up a gem like your mom?” 

“Aww…” Rey replied. 

“That was the night I convinced her to sleep in my bag with me.”

“Oh!! No- nope!”

“Good night!” They both dashed from the room, Sky shoving Junior out of the way as she ran up the stairs to their rooms.

“I’d say your crap booking helped tonight…” Junior teased. 

“You know what, it did, didn’t it?” Her brow furrowed the moment he started laughing. “Did you say scrap or crap?”

“I think you heard me,” he laughed harder, blocking his crotch with his knee. “Easy Princess, wouldn’t want you breaking a nail before our trip tomorrow.”

“Trip?” Skylar parroted. “What trip? Tomorrow’s… wait… Mom?!”

Her call landed on deaf ears. The moment the two were out of sight, Ben awakened. His body reacting primally in one swift motion Rey was beneath him, his frame still towered over hers while she playfully protested. The sound of her pleas, the way she squealed reminded him of that night, of every night they’d spent together, but that first one made him feel like they placed the stars in the sky together. 

It wasn’t an easy task and certainly did his industrial strength lifetime warranty bag in. The zippers screamed like she was, his length rubbing into her over and over again. 

“What do you want?” he asked through shallow breaths. 

Ben watched his wife’s eyes flutter closed then swing her arm over pointing at the blanket draped over the side of the couch. 

“A  _ blanket _ ?” he asked incredulously. “What for?”

Rey grabbed it the moment she’d been handed the thing and covered Ben’s backside even though he was still dressed. Her message was clear, though. She needed him. 

“Oh…” he replied, lowering himself to her while she tugged the fabric covering him. “I’m glad you still want me,” he whispered in her ear.

Rey sighed at the feel of him. He always did feel like protection, comfort… him, “I’m  _ glad _ I still mean something to you.”

It came out as intended. Rey’s eyes stayed on his when he pulled back in surprise.

“You’ve always, Rey…”

Ben watched her nod. 

“I know… we talk about it every time but I never get to feel heard, but now,” she tightened her grip on the sides of his blanket, “now I do.”

“And why’s that?”

“Why what? Didn’t I feel—“

“Do you feel?”

“Oh, well…” Rey replied, “you remember so much. More than I thought you did. It makes me feel heard—seen. Like there’s nothing between us…”

“No secrets?”

“No secrets.”

Ben nodded, his eyes falling to gaze at her lips again but before they could, he uttered more of what she needed to hear. 

“I remember it all, Rey. Every sigh, every look, every package I’d have dropped, how happy you were, how much you shared with me. There was so much, Rey. You shared the supplies without a thought of your well-being.” Ben paused, then snuggled up just under her chin like her children used to. “I knew I needed to keep you.”

Rey let go of the blanket, clutching his shoulders first to pull him closer still. 

“I meant it when I said I wanted to marry you from day one. I’d marry you again in a heartbeat.”

“I’d marry you, too,” she whispered.

Just like that Rey was in his arms again. His huge frame and strong arms pulled her up, then dropped her once, jiggling the pillows on the couch. Ben had been aware he let himself go a little, what with all the sleeping, but on the second try he managed getting her up into his arms. This time he had her, much like the night’s conversation, and managed to make his way back into their room with his wife.

  
  
  



End file.
